I guide my mom to a parking spot, and we walk out to Access 40. She remarks, “Hah, funny I never come down to this part of the beach”.
Hah funny, this is where we grew up….
This was our problem solving spot. No matter what was going on we would drop everything for each other, jump in the car, make the rounds, and head to the conference room. This was the spot where we could let it all spill over. The spot where we cried, where we cursed to the sky, where we laughed till our bodies were sore, where we gazed speechless over the grandedness of the ocean.
Nothing else mattered. We had each other, and we knew it would be alright. We had something to anchor to, through breakups, rough spots, boys, divorce(s), cancer(s), death(s)….you name it; the sea saw it all. She held it, while we held each other tight. The footprints left in the sand felt a little lighter on those nights. It always ended with gratitude: for our friendship, for our ocean, for our home, for release.
“What do you need to solve tonight?”
Absolutely nothing. I just need to come and be. I need to feel her breathe, I just need a moment that will fill me.
I need to feel life coursing through my veins. Prana.
We sit silent in the hollow of the night. Only the stars and the bouies mark the difference between sky and sea. Beacons, signaling the line.
No limits, no rules. How liberating, and how scary.
It seems that there is no more planning, just perfectly timed conversations and series of events. There is nothing more to distract with…my planner is empty, my computer dead, my mailbox vacant. No more tasks, just time. Time to sit, time to feel, time to think. Time to make friends with myself again; the task I have kept at the bottom of the list.
Now, to observe the highs and lows of the process. You never know what you’re going to get; the treasure or the tyrant. Here! Take the keys, I am just along for the ride. She sticks her head out the window and melts into the breeze. Delighted by the turn of the leaves. Lives at EASE.
I thank the miracles and honor the troughs; I hold on at each bend because I know there is another side, no matter how much it hurts, just hold on. Eyes glued to the horizon, find the beacon, the light as your guide.
The days can fly or they can drag; a second equals a minute, that equals a meter, that equals a millennium. Time holds you captive to “the plan”. There are no more limits, there are no more rules, there is no more plan.
Enjoy. Live. Simply. Release.
I have spent years on the search for what it means to be FEMALE, for what it means to THRIVE, for what it means to be ALIVE. This path has lead me all over the world, drawn to women and their children, to communities, to SPIRIT, and ultimately BACK to MYSELF. Here I will share my most recent adventure, navigating a diagnosis of triple positive BREAST CANCER and each step of the way I figure out how to be a little more ME. I am Catherine-Ayer Gresham a 30 year old woman