How to not be a cancer patient:
Eat whole foods, exercise, laugh, de-stress, avoid toxins, avoid smoking, avoid alcohol and drink green tea....there, now go live your life!
Haha. Easy, right?
I want to share a collection of statements that I have begun to repeat to myself each day, in hopes to build an internal scaffolding that will withstand the storm. It is easy to get swept away by an experience, a diagnosis, a dis-ease, or LIFE.
Lately, the question I have to keep asking myself is, “What makes me so different?”
Why do people respond to me in a different way? Do I act different? What has changed? The answer is…NOTHING. There is no such thing as super power strength. It just IS. It is there. And it is within each person. I guess sometimes we just need a reminder of where it sits within. I have to remind myself every day.
To remain in a place of strength, my efforts to NOT BECOME A CANCER PATIENT are:
-Don’t allow circumstance to victimize. Poor me, why me, why is this happening to me? This is a slippery slope. If I portray myself as a victim, that is the way others will see me. I then hand over any ounce of power I have to heal myself.
-Don’t project my situation on to others. This is hard. Especially when it comes to my mom and sister, who are the ones providing me a space for me to heal and the support to do so. I am constantly reminding myself that this is not just a “me” thing. Everyone has been misplaced in some way. Each has their own place in the structure. I am extra conscious not TRY not to take advantage, to not get angry, to not throw guilt, and not to blame. I have to take responsibility for each of these feelings even if they aren’t fun, because they are my own.
Speaking of GUILT…
-Do not hold on to GUILT or SHAME. They are like the babies, they are the ones that are the most delicate to touch. I try not to let myself get wrapped around the idea that I must suffer for my life. That I must serve penance to be able to live a balanced life…a work in progress.
-Don’t be jealous. AND HOW! Everyone has their shit to look at. Mine looks like this. And it is mine. It has been given to me to be SEEN. Every. Day. The hair is hard not to pine over, but then again -- character building, #humbled. The hair is replaced with noticing beauty where it had escaped me before. Every night I look into my eyes. These eyes that hid for so long, I am so happy to see you again. I am in love with the thickness of my thighs. I cherish the layer that protects my womb space around my middle. The space that makes me WOMAN. The body I once couldn't bare to see, now brings me absolute JOY.
-Don’t RUN AWAY! From day one, I knew it had chosen me. My life had finally arrived and I can either look at it or I can run….once more. I choose to stay. Stay present. To be here with this process. With my health. With my life. There is nowhere else to hide.
But the list that is more important for me is --
HOW TO BE A HEALTHY, WHOLE BEING.
-Wake up in the morning and LISTEN to my BODY.
-Make life giving choices that NOURISH my BODY.
-ALLOW to FEEL all that comes through.
-Create a protection--healthy boundary around my energy, my heart, and my needs.
-Be HONEST with MYSELF, and OTHERS.
-Make an effort to communicate those needs in a clear, compassionate way.
-Follow my INTUITION, TRUST my INTUITION.
I repeat in my head a thousand times how I ended up here today, on this Earth. Where I was a year ago. And how CRAZY life is. But it is beautiful because the only constant is GHANGE, and all we gotta do is BREATHE!!! If I know one thing, I know I didn’t come here to be ORDINARY. So CHEERS, BIG EARS LETS GET THE SHOW ON THE ROAD!
I have spent years on the search for what it means to be FEMALE, for what it means to THRIVE, for what it means to be ALIVE. This path has lead me all over the world, drawn to women and their children, to communities, to SPIRIT, and ultimately BACK to MYSELF. Here I will share my most recent adventure, navigating a diagnosis of triple positive BREAST CANCER and each step of the way I figure out how to be a little more ME. I am Catherine-Ayer Gresham a 30 year old woman