Back to our regularly scheduled progam:
"Excuse me mam, do you have any pre-existing conditions?"
"Mmm-hmmm, well I'm afraid I have some bad news,"
PLEASE, tell me YOUR bad news?!
"So, you are considered a...RISK. But, I think I know how we can proceed... Have you had any unexpected life events occur in the last 60 days?"
I am stuffed in the corner of a crowded airport. I have been on hold with an insurance agent for 30 minutes now. Nothing like a chat with Timmothy to knock you back into 1st world, consumerism reality.
Insurance: In case shit happens
Well shit hit the fan little lizard! And now I'm just another number. Thrown into a system where nothing breathes. Stale, stagnant. To be alive, is a risk factor. My life is a burden because it translates to $$$. How many of these squiggles am I worth? Not enough for Timmothy to invest his time. Because time is $$$. And the world goes 'round!
If I believed in this reality, my life would be doomed.
A breath of fresh air, I am back in Ecuador. The flight always feels like jumping through portals, touching down to a different space and time. Time travel, in 'real' life. The system still freshly chaotic; the paperwork rampant. Stamp here, sign there, copy here, carry this over there, file please. Do file cabinets still exist? AND HOW!
None the less, a world I can navigate. A world where I can live just outside the lines. A world where there is still space to dance between dreams and the Earth. A world where your spirit can still thrive. Where people are greater than numbers. A world where all your needs are met within a block of your home, no need to outsource life. One where humans have not yet been replaced by robots. A place where I deliver in person my insurance papers. Placing them in the hands of the man who will give my file a face. A life where a twenty dollar bill is foreign. Where a handshake means your word, there is trust in the tongue. A world that's still as simple as a smile.
Its easier to show up, rather than make an appointment. A life lived person to person, without a screen in between. It is easier to connect to the body, my feet and heart meet. Life in Ecuador is FULL, ROUND. Un gran abrazo del corazon. Un bessito.
A life that consists of the small things. Each day is made of minutes. From one minute to the next you can weave; time melts into reality. You show up when you arrive. And everyone understands that it begins when it begins, and ends when it is 'time'. But Nothing is stuffed between 15:00 and 17:45.
A dinner at a restaurant is enjoyed. Not eaten. Not leaving without a hug from the owner and chef. Understanding love through the form of nourishment, and thanking them for their heart. Passing by a friends house for a tea, watching as the conversation floats from weather, to life, to death, to love, to cats and back around. Life here has taught me that the serious is wrapped in the trivial, and that subtlety reveals truth. The spiral life. The Shakti Calling.
My heart is FULL. My Spirit energized. I feel that I have arrived to the moment where the present is alive. Where all is unraveled in the now, each piece collected and sorted. Just in time to watch as the next adventure arrives. "I AM READY." The words I needed to FEEL to believe. I am ready and it is time to THRIVE.
I have spent years on the search for what it means to be FEMALE, for what it means to THRIVE, for what it means to be ALIVE. This path has lead me all over the world, drawn to women and their children, to communities, to SPIRIT, and ultimately BACK to MYSELF. Here I will share my most recent adventure, navigating a diagnosis of triple positive BREAST CANCER and each step of the way I figure out how to be a little more ME. I am Catherine-Ayer Gresham a 30 year old woman